


Facing Your Past

by thatwriterlady



Series: 30 Day Writing Challenge 2018 [6]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alpha Castiel (Supernatural), Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Anger, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Dean Has a Daughter, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Explanations, Feelings, Heartache, M/M, Misunderstandings, Omega Dean Winchester, Truths revealed, pup - Freeform, still in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-08-22 07:10:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16593227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatwriterlady/pseuds/thatwriterlady
Summary: Dean Winchester never expected to see the one person that broke his heart ever again, and yet here he is.  He tries to avoid the Alpha, but Cas is incredibly persistent, almost to a fault.  He wants the chance to explain why he left so suddenly five years ago, but Dean doesn't want to hear it.  Thanks to being stubborn, Cas finally gets him to sit down and listen.  The reason for leaving is worse than Dean ever realized, but Cas has a lot of explaining to do.  Truths are revealed as the pains of the past are dragged to the surface once more.  If Dean is ever going to let go of the hate and heartache that have haunted him since Cas had walked out on him, he has to hear the man out.  That may be harder to do than he realized.





	Facing Your Past

**Author's Note:**

> Here is Day 6. It's a bit angsty, but it ends on a happy note. I hope you enjoy.

**Day 6- Hero**

 

“Daddy!  Daddy push me!”  Abigail looked up at her father and smiled as he grabbed the chains for the swing.  He pulled them back just enough to give her a good arc, and then let go.  She squealed with delight as she swung through the air.  Her innocence was so beautiful, and he loved seeing her happy.  His little girl was his entire world, and until she grew up, he wanted to protect her innocence.  She didn’t need to see what cruelties existed in the world, not for a while yet.

 

When her swing began to slow, he pulled it back and let her go again.  She loved coming to the park, and most of the time he loved taking her.  Every once in a while though, he encountered someone unpleasant.  His eyes darted around, looking for any Alphas that might be paying a bit too close of attention to him.  He spotted a figure across the park and did a double take.  No, that wasn’t possible, he was supposed to be back in California... 

 

“Abby, honey, we’re going to go get lunch, ok?  How does Burger King sound?”  He asked as he slowed her swing.  For a second he thought she was going to protest but then her face lit up. 

 

“Can we go to McDonald’s instead?  To the one I can play in?”

 

He hated that one, it was a germ fest, and she’d no doubt have some kind of sickness when he got her home.  Last time he’d taken her there, another kid had pooped up in the tubes and she slid through it as she came down.  He’d been comped for their meals, but he’d still needed to get her home and bathed without getting some other kid’s poop all over his car, and all over him.  It had been an absolutely disgusting experience. 

 

“Do we have to go to that one?” 

 

She stuck her lower lip out and he knew she was about two seconds away from throwing a tantrum.

 

“I’ll take you after lunch to get the rainbow ice cream, the stuff with the sprinkles,”  He promised.  Her green eyes lit up and this time she really squealed with delight.

 

“Yes!  Ice cream with sprinkles!”

 

“Dean?”

 

Fuck.

 

He stiffened at the sound of the familiar, deep voice, and slowly turned around.

 

“It is you!” 

 

“Yeah, it’s me.  Can I help you with something?”  Dean crossed his arms defensively.  The man actually looked scared of him.  Good.  He’d hoped to never see him again, and yet here he was.  Castiel Krushnic, Cas for short.  The fates seemed to be out to get him bringing this man here to Kansas.

 

“Dean, I…,” 

 

Abby bounced up next to her father and pulled at his pants.  “Can we go get lunch now, daddy?  And ice cream?”

 

Cas looked down at the little girl as Dean scooped her up.

 

“You had a pup?”

 

“I can’t talk to you,”  Dean started across the park but unfortunately the Alpha had always been stubborn, and he was following him.

 

“Dean, I really need to talk to you,”

 

“I’m not having this conversation in front of my little girl!”  Dean hissed at him.  Abby whimpered as her father’s scent turned bitter and he tried to calm himself down so he didn’t scare her any further.  He managed to get out to the street, wishing he had driven here instead of walked and set his daughter down.

 

“Come on, princess, we’re going to go get lunch with Auntie Ellen,”  He took her hand and they started walking towards The Roadhouse.  His aunt was an Alpha and she would tear apart anyone that he deemed a threat.  Cas, he shouldn’t have been one, and technically he still wasn’t, he was just a painful reminder of the Omega’s past, and he wanted him to stay there.  The Alpha was faster than a man walking with a four year old, and he jumped in front of them.

 

“Dean Winchester, you are being _very_ immature right now,”

 

“Daddy?  Who is he?”  Abby wrapped her arms around her father’s leg and hid her face. 

 

“Cas, I said I’m not talking in front of her.  You’re the one that walked out on me, not the other way around.  You have no right demanding that I talk to you.  Now, you’re scaring her, and I won’t stand for it.  I might be an Omega but I’m still bigger than you and I _will_ protect my pup, no matter what it takes,”  He bared his teeth but Cas had never been one to back down from a challenge. 

 

“You’re going to the Roadhouse.  You think Ellen will protect you from me?  Do you _need_ protection from me?  I swear, I just wanted to talk, I am unbelievably sorry for what I did,”

 

Dean scoffed and crossed his arms, looking anywhere but at the Alpha.

 

“I just want to talk,”  Cas pleaded softly.  At least he wasn’t trying to upset Abby anymore.

 

“What were you even doing in the park?  Hmm?  What are you doing in Kansas?  In _Lawrence?_   Did you come with your _family_?  You should go back to them, they’re waiting for you,”  The Omega spat at him.  There was fury in his eyes, and Cas withered under the intensity of it.

 

“I was there with Gabe and his pups.  You’re not letting me explain anything!  Please, just talk to me,”

 

Dean reached down and picked his daughter up again.  She whimpered as she buried her face against his neck for a second time.  He went around Cas and kept walking.  The Alpha fell in step beside him.

 

“You left, I didn’t see you on campus anymore,”

 

“I dropped out,”  Dean said curtly.

 

“Why?  You were doing so well,”

 

“That’s not your business.  I have a job, and I make good money.  That’s all that matters,” 

 

Cas was quiet for a long time, right up until the Roadhouse came into view.  Dean didn’t get the chance to pull the door open before Cas was reaching past him to open it for him.  Once he was inside, he finally relaxed.  His cousin Jo spotted him almost immediately and seeing the distress on his face, came storming over.  Where once she had smiled and even flirted with Cas, now she bared her teeth and growled at him.

 

“What’s _he_ doing here?”

 

“He followed me from the park,”  Dean explained.  “Here, take Abby, bring her in back and give her something to eat, I don’t want her out here.”

 

She understood that Dean didn’t want Abby seeing him upset, or smelling it on him.  Abby clung to her father until Jo promised her a brownie sundae if she finished some chicken nuggets and fries.  Then she happily went with Jo who whisked her away to the back.

 

“You have oh, about thirty seconds before Ellen comes out here, and she is infinitely less friendlier than Jo,”  Dean crossed his arms and glared at the Alpha.  “So start talking, since you seem to think it’s so important.”

 

“Dean, I know I screwed up, ok?  I shouldn’t have listened to my father, but there are expectations in the Krushnic family, and we aren’t permitted to choose our own mates, they’re chosen for us.  I would never have chosen Daphne over you, you have to have known that,”

 

“But you did choose her, and you left.  You avoided me on campus, you changed your phone number, and you moved out.  I think you made it painfully clear that you don’t mean what you just said.  I figured out a long time ago that I didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things.  You didn’t have to chase me out of a park to lie to me.  It hurt bad enough the first time you walked out, I didn’t need to _fucking_ be reminded of it!”

 

“I didn’t choose Daphne!  I refused to mate her, and I was excommunicated from my family.  They’ve disowned me, except for Gabe.  He left when they threw me out.  They threatened to kill you if I even so much as said a word to you.  Mike came on campus with a goddamn _gun_ , held it to my head and told me that our dad had ordered him to kill you if I didn’t dump you and take Daphne as my mate.  He scared the hell out of me and yeah, for a while I went along with it, until I couldn’t anymore.  I wanted nothing to do with her, or my father, so I told him I wouldn’t do it.  So, instead of shooting you, he had Mike shoot me,”  Cas pulled his tee shirt up, revealing the scars on his abdomen and upper chest.  There were clear bullet wounds, but also a network of scars from all the surgeries he’d had to repair the damage the bullets had done.  “He shot me and threw me in the street to die, all because I wouldn’t mate her.  I almost didn’t survive.  I spent weeks in the hospital, lost a kidney, my spleen, had my scapula shattered, one barely missed my heart.  I spent _months_ in the hospital, and when I got back to campus, you were gone.  I wanted to tell you what happened, to let you know I’d left the pack, but I couldn’t find you.  No one would tell me where to find you.  I came here to see if Ellen would at least tell me, but she nearly clawed my eyes out.”

 

“I might just do it again,”  Ellen growled from behind him.  He spun around to see her standing there, claws out, fangs bared and he quickly dropped the edge of his shirt and held his hands up in supplication, but not before she’d seen the scars that littered his chest and back.

 

“I got this, El, please, just keep Abby occupied,”  Dean spoke softly and slowly she retracted her claws.  She shot Cas one last warning look before walking away.  He turned back around to face Dean.  The Omega motioned for him to follow, and led him over to a booth on the other side of the room.  They sat down across from each other and a server came and set down glasses of water in front of them.  She didn’t stick around to offer anything else or ask if they wanted to order.  She shot Cas a dirty look before walking away.

 

“Does everyone here hate me?”  Cas asked.

 

“Do you really have to ask me that?” 

 

Cas sighed heavily and dropped his eyes to where his hands rested on the tabletop.

 

“No, I guess not.  I fucked up, but I really was just trying to protect you.  Gabe said Mike was instructed to come to the hospital to finish the job, so he turned him and our father in.  My dad has a life sentence and Mike is on death row.  In shooting me, he also shot and killed Daphne.  She knew I didn’t want to mate with her and she had accepted that, but I was at my parents’ house when I told her that, because I was there to tell him too.  Mike was following his orders, and when he shot me, two of the bullets went through me and hit her.  She died before she reached the hospital.  It was fucked up, and I’m sorry, sorrier than you could ever know.  I’ve wanted nothing more than to explain and apologize for what I did.  I know I broke your heart.  Hell, I broke my own and when I finally went back to campus and you were gone, I spent weeks sobbing in my dorm room for what I was forced to do.  I just…I needed you to know that I didn’t abandon you because I wanted to, I did it because if I hadn’t, they’d have killed you and not even blinked twice. 

 

“Dean, my family?  They’re part of the mob, and they don’t usually let people just walk away.  I didn’t tell you who they were because I wanted to protect you from all of that.  I never wanted to be a part of the shit they do.  I was the family disappointment.  What I wanted was to find you, because you were all that ever mattered to me.  I left California and moved here because this was where I knew you’d have come back to.  I have hoped for years that I might somehow run into you.  It probably doesn’t mean much, but I never stopped loving you.  When I told you that I wanted you as my mate, I wasn’t lying.  I was intending to plead to my mother, see if I couldn’t get her to talk my father out of punishing me so that I could have you, but my dad is an unyielding man.  He was still running things, until he was put in solitary.  Only one single guard is allowed any contact with him, and they made sure to cut out his tongue and remove all means of communication.  He’s Russian mob, and as it turns out, the prison is run by the Irish, and they _really_ don’t like my father.  I expect at some point they’ll be found dead in their cells, and I won’t shed a single tear for either of them.  So, with Mike in prison, dad in prison, Gabe and I have been ostracized, that leaves my sister Anna in charge.  Ironic, right?  She was fifteen when it all happened.  She’s barely twenty, but she’s running the city because she’s an Alpha.  She wanted me to come back, but I refused.  My family extends far and wide, and there are many that would see me dead before they let me back into the family, but I’d sooner do it myself before I’d go back to them,”

 

Dean pursed his lips and shook his head.  He still couldn’t look him in the eye.  “You fucking gutted me when you left, you know that?  I had to move out of the apartment, sell everything so I could _survive_.  I called my parents to come and get me and I came home.  I told everyone to shut you out and not tell you a damn thing if you ever came asking.  My parents even moved, giving up my childhood home so you wouldn’t be able to find me.  I didn’t think you’d move here.  You’re the last person I ever expected to see again,”  He still had his arms crossed but the look of hatred was gone at least. 

 

“Why did you leave school?  It was your last year, you were like, a semester away from graduation.  Your dream was to teach,”  Cas asked.

 

“I do teach.  I finished up my degree here,”

 

Cas looked thoughtfully at him for a long time.  “You were pregnant, with your little girl.  Is that why you came back?”

 

Dean took a deep breath and let it out slowly.  “Yes, that’s why I left.  I was already four months pregnant.  I couldn’t finish my degree like that.  I had a semester and a half left, and there were no dorms available.  See, the Alpha I thought I was going to mate, that I thought I was going to spend my life with, and that had led me to believe we’d be together for the rest of our lives left me without money, a place to live, or a way to finish my own education, but he got to finish his, so yes, I came home, finished at KSU thanks to my family’s help.  I didn’t get the doctorate I wanted, I had to settle for a Masters.  I teach middle school social studies and I coach the high school basketball team.  Glad you got that nice, fancy degree though.  I sure hope you got the chance to put it to good use,”

 

Cas could hear the bitterness in his voice, and he couldn’t stop himself from bursting into tears.  He’d caused so much damage, and to so many lives.  He wished Mike’s bullets had done their job.  Dean’s words were slowly dawning on him though, and he realized what the Omega was telling him.  He thought about Abby’s sweet face, her bright green eyes, and her dark, chocolate brown hair. 

 

“Oh my god, she’s…my daughter!”

 

Dean glared sullenly at him.  “She’s _my_ daughter.  _I_ never abandoned her.”

 

“You’re right.  You were there when she needed you.  I’m glad I didn’t know at the time because if I had, her life would have been in danger too.  There is an even greater punishment for fathering pups outside of a claim.  No one but legitimate pups, ones that are _allowed_ to carry the Krushnic name are permitted to exist.  My cousin Bart had a pup with this mistress he had.  His father is my father’s brother, and he runs things in Philly.  Once his dad found out what he had done, he had his men kill the mistress, the pup, who was barely a year old, and then he killed Bart,”  Cas wiped at his eyes but the tears wouldn’t stop falling.

 

“So you’re telling me they’d kill my Abigail,”  Dean was angry again.

 

“No, they wouldn’t.  I’m not a Krushnic anymore.  I changed my name.  To my family, I was Dmitri Krushnic, did you know that?  I never introduced myself to anyone by my real name because I didn’t want them knowing what my asshole father had named me.  I always used the name my mother actually wanted to name me; Castiel.  She wanted to name us all after angels, but my dad told her she was an idiot.  She cheated and gave the first two pups angelic names, spelled in Russian, but dad had final say over me, and he named me Dmitri.  When Anna was born, mama wanted to name her Anael, but our dad wouldn’t let her.  That was his only daughter, an Alpha, so he had final say.  He named her Anya.  Still, she went by Anna.  Pissed our dad off.  She didn’t want to follow in his footsteps any more than Gabe or me, and I feel bad that she is stuck where she is.  Look the family up and you’ll see who runs the pack now.  Look a little further into them and you’ll see who the kids are; Mike, Gabe, me, and Anna.  Dad and Mike’s arrests were huge stories when they were arrested, and their trials made national news. Even Daphne’s murder and their attempted murder on me made the news.  I couldn’t stand to be associated with them anymore.  They’re murderers, they deal is some really shady shit, and that was not the life I ever wanted a part of.

 

“I changed my last name to Novak as soon as I possibly could.  So, I’m legally Castiel Novak.  I have no ties to the family anymore, and that’s exactly how I want it.  Gabe’s mate left him when he left the pack.  He’s raising his pups on his own.  He changed his last name to Novak.  Because he left, his Alpha abandoned their pups too.  He has full custody now and he changed their names too, moved here with me.  Oh, and I didn’t finish my degree.  When I realized you were gone, I couldn’t stay.  I only have a BA in art.  I work at a gallery.  I don’t even sell the art.  I’m thinking of leaving.  I minored in history, I think I could do something better with that,”  Cas sniffled and wiped at his eyes again. 

 

“Daddy, she didn’t want to stay in back anymore.  Is it safe to bring her back out here?  She ate her nuggets, but she wants to share her brownie sundae with you,” 

 

Jo was standing there with a bowl and Abby.  The pup didn’t even wait for her father to say yes, she just let go of Jo’s hand and climbed up into Dean’s lap.  Cas couldn’t stop staring at her, she was the most beautiful child he had ever seen. 

 

“Are you still mad, daddy?”  She tilted her head back so she could look up at her father.  He smiled and kissed the top of her head.

 

“No, princess, daddy’s not mad anymore,”

 

When Jo set the bowl down in front of her, she grabbed the spoon and dug it into the ice cream.

 

“Here, daddy,”  Carefully she held it up so Dean could eat it.

 

“Mmm, Auntie Ellen has the best ice cream, doesn’t she?”

 

“It doesn’t have sprinkles.  You need to get me ice cream with sprinkles,”  She gave him a bitch face worthy of her uncle, Sam.  Dean bit back a laugh.

 

“Well, today you got a brownie sundae, so no rainbow ice cream.  Too much ice cream will hurt your tummy.  Next Saturday we’ll go get ice cream cones with rainbow sprinkle ice cream.  Maybe we’ll even get grandma and grandpa to come with.  They like rainbow ice cream too,”

 

“Grandpa likes it.  Grandma likes mint chocolate chip,”  She said very matter of factly.  Jo snickered and walked away, leaving the precocious toddler to her father.  Abby looked at Cas as she dug her spoon into the brownie.  “Who are you?”

 

Cas looked at Dean.  He didn’t want to blurt out that he was her Alpha parent, it wasn’t his place.  Dean stared at him as if trying to decide what he wanted to tell her.

 

“Well, baby, we’re going to talk about who he is later, ok?  Go on and eat your sundae, I bet Jo made it extra special for you,”

 

Cas deflated a little but Abby seemed to accept her father’s answer.  She spooned more of the brownie into her mouth while Dean used a napkin to wipe her face.

 

“She’s beautiful.  Looks so much like you,”  Cas said softly. 

 

“I know I’m beautiful, daddy tells me all the time,”  Abby said seriously.  Cas covered his mouth to hide his smile but Dean chuckled.  He pulled her hair back so it wasn’t over her shoulders and getting ice cream in it.  She looked up at Cas again, tilting her head as she studied him.  He was struck by how much she looked like him in that moment.

 

“You like brownie sundaes?”  She asked.

 

“I love them,”  He replied.

 

“How come you were chasing my daddy earlier?  You’re not gonna hurt him, are you?”

 

“No, I would never hurt you daddy.  I just wanted to talk to him,”

 

“But you made daddy mad,”

 

“I did something mean to your daddy a long time ago and that’s what he was angry about.  I’m not going to do it again though,”  Even as Cas spoke to her, he was looking at Dean.  The Omega’s eye twitched but otherwise his expression remained neutral.

 

“What did you do?”  She asked.

 

“Well, it’s…,”  He didn’t know how to explain it.

 

“He had a bad family.  They were mean to him, so they made him be mean to me.  He hurt my feelings really bad.  You know how I always tell you to be nice?”  Dean spoke gently to his little girl as he ran his fingers through her hair. 

 

“Yep, I hafta be nice because it’s rude to be mean, and I will hurt people’s feelings,”  She looked over at Cas just then.  “I said something mean to Tommy next door and he cried.  Daddy said I had to say I was sorry, cause it’s not nice to say stuff like that,”

 

“What did you say that was mean?”  Cas asked her.

 

“I told him his feet smelled like poop.  He took his shoes off when we were playing at my house and his feet smelled real bad.  I hurted his feelings and made him cry,”

 

“Oh, that _was_ mean.  You know what you say when someone’s feet stink?”  He asked.  She shook her head.  “You tell them that you have a special powder to put in their shoes.  I bet your daddy has it, and that he puts it in his shoes and yours,”

 

“Yep!  It’s in a yellow thingy.  He puts it in my shoes when I play outside in the rain and my shoes get wet,” 

 

“Your daddy is very wise, you know that?”  He smiled at the little girl when she nodded.

 

“He’s the bestest daddy in the whole world.  He told a bad man one time to leave me alone when he grabbed my arm.  Daddy hitted him and told him he can’t touch me,”

 

Cas looked up in alarm at Dean. 

 

“It’s ok, he caught her scent, realized she’s an Omega and, well, he was a creep, if you know what I mean.  I called the cops, he got arrested, I didn’t have to k-i-l-l him,”  Dean looked down at Abby before meeting the Alpha’s gaze again.  Cas nodded in understanding.

 

“Sounds like your daddy’s a hero,”

 

She smiled wide, and he could see the brownie stuck in her teeth.  He found it endearing.

 

“Yeah, daddy’s my hero.  He’ll never ever let bad people hurt me,”

 

Cas looked over her head at Dean.  “Does she have a middle name?”

 

“Rose,”  Dean replied.  Her birthday is July 9th, 2014.  She just turned four.”

 

“Abby, is that short for Abigail?” 

 

“Yes.  I liked the name,”  Dean kissed the top of his daughter’s head.  He’d spent all these years being so angry at Cas that having an explanation as to why he’d done what he’d done, it left him conflicted.  He wasn’t sure if he wanted the Alpha in Abby’s life, even if he was her father and technically he was Abby’s mother.  He had never liked being called mom.  Did he want to tell Abby who Cas was?  First he wanted to talk to his parents.  He knew they’d have opinions and theirs mattered to him.

 

Abby finished her sundae and scooted off Dean’s lap until she was standing.

 

“I’mma bring this to Auntie Ellen so she don’t have to come get it,”  She explained.

 

“Good girl,”  Dean told her.  They watched her cross the room and disappear behind the counter.  He turned back to look at Cas.  “I’m still working on her grammar.  She’s getting there though.”

 

“I don’t know a toddler that speaks with perfect English.  She’ll figure it out.  You’re a teacher so I know you’re working on it with her.  Is she reading yet?”  Cas asked.

 

“Yes.  I started when she was two.  She didn’t start to get it until she was three.  Now she can spell quite a few words.  Kill isn’t one of them though,”  Dean chuckled. 

 

“She’s absolutely beautiful.  She looks so much like you, but…I can see me in her too.  Just a bit, mostly the hair, and maybe the lips.  I’m so sorry I left, but she’s safe, and that’s what matters most to me.  Are you going to tell her who I am?” 

 

“I don’t know yet.  I would be skeptical on the whole mob thing, except I knew who the Krushnic’s were out in California, and I knew what they dealt in.  A few of them made the news when they were arrested for illegal arms.  I think there was jury tampering and drug charges too.  That’s what I’d heard when we were still together, but I didn’t bring it up because I wasn’t sure if you were one of _those_ Krushnics.  I had my suspicions, but I didn’t want them to be real, so I ignored them.  Should have known better.  I was so angry at you that I turned the news off every time your family’s name was mentioned, and I don’t read the paper.  My dad threw out any articles that mentioned the Krushnics, without ever reading them, otherwise he’d have told me.  I don’t want Abby knowing about that.  I also remember how you didn’t want to bring me home to meet your parents, or Mike.  You got scared every time I brought it up.  I get why now. 

 

“The night you left?  I was going to tell you about Abby.  I came home from school with dinner and…roses.  I was so excited to tell you, because I believed that we wouldn’t have to give up school to raise her, as long as we stuck together.  I believed you were going to mate and claim me, even though you’d put the subject off every time I brought it up.  I thought Abby would make you finally want to claim me.  I gave you four years of my life, and I loved you every moment of every year that I had you.

 

“When you didn’t come home that night, I was scared.  I called you but you didn’t pick up.  By the next morning, the number was no longer in service.  I couldn’t find you, and you never came back.  The pain, it was excruciating.  When I came home, my mother made me go see a doctor immediately.  They were afraid I would lose Abby because I was so distraught, so heartbroken.  You avoiding me on campus before I left?  That was probably the worst.  You treated me like I didn’t exist.  I kept trying to get you to talk to me, to tell me why you didn’t love me anymore, and why you left, and when I couldn’t, I got mad.  I dropped out, came home, and I cried.  Goddamn it Cas, I cried every day of every month I carried my little girl.  I didn’t stop crying until the moment I held her in my arms.  She brought hope and love back into my life.  You nearly destroyed me, but she gave me a reason to live.  I have hated you since then.  I hated you, wished you were dead, but I was jealous too.  I thought Daphne had you instead of me, had the happy, loving life I wanted with you, the pups she would have given you, that you would have loved unconditionally because they were yours, and how Abby didn’t get to have that, because you didn’t come home.  I hated you, Cas, but I _never_ stopped loving you, so I hated myself for that.  Seeing you here, my heart hurts all over. 

 

“I get the logic, I do.  Familial pressures, especially from a crime syndicate pack, you didn’t want to end up at the bottom of the river with your feet sealed in blocks of cement, and I get that you were trying to protect me, but you should have told me, let me know why you had to leave.  You should have had enough love, and enough respect for me to tell me why,”

 

Dean wiped angrily at the tears that spilled down his cheeks, dripping onto his jeans.  He was glad his daughter wasn’t here to see him like this.  Across the table Cas was crying too. 

 

“Tell me, Cas, did you ever _really_ love me?  Why even get in a relationship with me if you knew your father was going to select a mate and make you claim her?  It feels to me like I wasn’t important, that I was just something to pass the time until you got your real mate,”

 

“Oh god, no, Dean, I loved you with every fiber of my being, I truly did.  I still love you!  I never stopped loving you, it’s why I stood up to my father, and to Mike.  I knew it likely meant my own death, and that I was going to die without ever getting to tell you why I left, but my feelings for you, they were completely genuine, and they still are. 

 

“I remember when I first met you, freshman year.  You were in the student lounge, sitting with Charlie and Benny, laughing and playing D&D.  The moment I laid eyes on you, I was lost.  You were the most beautiful creature I had ever seen, and it didn’t matter to me what your orientation was, I had to talk to you, had to know if you felt it too.  All thoughts of my pack?  Yeah, couldn’t have cared less about them.  I wanted to leave, I was planning to leave.  All I wanted was to have my own life, and I genuinely believed I could have that with you.  I fell completely in love with you, and I wanted to run away, take you with me, but Mike found out I was seeing you, and he told my dad.  Jesus, the threats they made, the torture they put me through, it was hell on earth, but the worst of it was what they said they would do to you if I didn’t immediately leave you.  Mike wouldn’t even let me leave you a note.  He dragged me out of the apartment at gunpoint, threw me in his car and took me back to the manor.  I ended up missing classes, but when they allowed me to return, they told me they had put a bomb in the apartment, and one in your car, and that if I spoke to you, tried to tell you why they were making me leave, one day they’d detonate, and that would be the end of you.  I was fucking _terrified_!  My own father and brother told me this!  The people that are supposed to love me unconditionally.  They were always watching, and I didn’t dare disobey, not if I wanted to keep you alive.  I didn’t trust them to be lying about car bombs and stuff,”  Cas shook his head.  “They didn’t know the meaning of the word love.  I don’t think I knew what love was either until I met you.  I seriously contemplated just claiming you and saying to hell with them, but Mike said if I had, they’d have killed us both.  I just…I couldn’t do that to you.  You were _my_ world, and to protect you, I left. 

 

“After getting shot though, and barely surviving, I knew I was finally free.  Anna didn’t want to hurt me, she let me leave with her blessing, and I came right back to tell you what had happened, and ask for your forgiveness, but the apartment was empty, you weren’t anywhere on campus.  I asked Charlie, Benny, anyone we both knew, and they all told me to go fuck myself.  I had no idea where you were, so I dropped out too.  I didn’t want to be there without you.  We came back here every Christmas, so I moved here, not realizing how big the city actually is, just on the hope that one day I might see you again, and have the chance to explain myself.  God, Dean, I never stopped loving you.  You were it for me back then, and you still are.  I don’t have to cower from my family, obey their rules, I am finally, truly _free_ , and I am so incredibly happy knowing I have a daughter, a happy, healthy, well-adjusted little girl that never had her life threatened for being a Krushnic.  I never wanted my children to carry that name.  I took my great grandmother’s maiden name, and I reclaimed my life.  I’m not asking you to take me back, you have every reason to hate me, you honestly do, but I am telling you, I love you.  I always have, and I always will.  If you turn me away, I will accept it, but there will never be anyone else.  There never was after you left, and there never will be again.  No one could compare to you.”

 

Dean dug the heels of both hands into his eyes in an attempt to staunch the flow of tears that were pouring down his face.  It was like a dam had been broken and every ounce of anger and hatred were flowing out finally.  It was leaving him with a sense of relief, and he found himself truly letting go of all the hatred and pain for the first time since Cas had disappeared.  He jumped when he felt the seat next to him move and looked up to see that Cas had slid onto his side.  He wrapped Dean up in his arms and held him as he let all of the pain and heartache he’d carried for years finally released its hold on him.

 

“I heard most of that.  That’s what happened?”

 

They both looked up to see Ellen standing there with her hands on her hips.

 

“Absolutely,”  Cas lifted his shirt up again so she could see the scars, from the bullets, but also from the surgeries the doctors had performed in order to save his life.  Ellen winced before meeting his eye again.

 

“I understand why you left.  You hurt Dean bad, and that’s not something that can be fixed overnight.  If you really did start your life over, then this might be the fresh start you both need, free of familial obligations, and from the danger that seems to surround you.  Don’t you dare go getting Dean or Abby hurt, you hear?  Dean, you let her know her daddy, she deserves that much, and Cas deserves to know his little girl,”  She looked back over her shoulder to see Abby walking back with Jo. 

 

“Why are you hugging my daddy?”  Abby asked.

 

“Cause I really needed a hug,”  Dean’s voice broke and he shuddered as more tears spilled.

 

“Oh, no, daddy, don’t cry,”  She pulled herself up onto the seat and right into Cas’ lap.  Scooting past him, she climbed into Dean’s lap and slipped her head between her father’s arm and Cas’ chest.  She hugged Dean as tight as a four year old possibly could.  He wrapped her up, bringing her in against both of her parents.

 

“It’s ok, baby girl, I’m happy, and I have something to tell you,”

 

Dean sniffled and wiped at his eyes.  Abby turned around so she was able to lean back against Cas’ chest and look up at her dad.

 

“What is it?”

 

“This man here?”  Dean nodded towards Cas.  She turned to look up at Cas.

 

“Uh huh,”

 

“He’s your daddy too.”

 

Her eyes widened and her little lips formed an o as she stared up at him.

 

“How do I have two daddies?” 

 

“Cause when you were born, they wanted me to have you call me mama, but I didn’t like that.  I wanted to be called daddy.  I didn’t know he was coming back, and that he wanted to be your daddy too.  So I guess we have to find something to call him,”  Dean explained. 

 

“What do I call him?”  She asked.

 

“Well, in Russian, which is another language I speak, and I can teach you to speak it too, we call daddy papa.  That’s what I called my father, and he called his father papa too.  You can call me papa, I would like that very much,”  Cas explained.  He brushed a lock of her long, silky brown hair off her shoulder.  She had Dean’s easy to manage hair, and he was glad for that.  His own had always been untamable. 

 

“What’s Russian?” 

 

“It’s a language, like English, which is what we’re speaking now, or Spanish.  There are lots of languages,” 

 

“And you can teach me to talk Russian?” 

 

“I sure can.  You can speak it as good as me if you practice.  It’s fun to learn new languages,” 

 

“Ok, I’ll talk in the Russian and Tommy won’t know how to talk in it, so I’ll know something he don’t know.  He’s smart, he’s in kindergarten, but he don’t speak Russian,”  She was playing with Cas’ fingers as she babbled, and he found that he wanted to just hold her and love her. 

 

“Can we go back to the park?”  She asked.

 

“Dean?”  Cas looked to him to see what he wanted to do.

 

“Yeah, princess, we can go back to the park.  Papa can push you on the swing this time.  Maybe you’ll go higher,”  Dean smiled as Abby climbed off their laps to bounce on the floor excitedly.  As they stood up, she looked at Cas with a sudden seriousness that reminded him of himself.

 

“You’re an Alpha.  Are you a good Alpha, like grandpa and Auntie Ellen?”

 

“I sure am.  I used to know some bad ones, but not anymore.  I would never hurt you,” 

 

“You’re not going to hurt daddy again, are you?” 

 

He shook his head as he took her hand.  “I promise to never, ever hurt daddy again.  I love him, you know, more than anything,”

 

She smiled wide as she looked up at Dean and took his hand too.

 

“He’s the bestest daddy in the whole world, and I love him too,”

 

Dean’s heart felt full again, hearing those words.  This was the family he’d always wanted, the father he’d wanted for Abby.  Cas still had a long way to go to make it up to him, and to their daughter, but this right?  This was a good place to start.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, we're on to the next one now!


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